My DD214

Veterans should be a thing of the past.

Nine U.S. Dollars for a fucking omelette?!

Ok, Fernando, I know I promised a sight-unseen “review” of Brokeback Mountain, but that will have to wait for a few minutes, as I am currently raging against The International House of Pancakes (more commonly reffered to as IHOP). So, here we go.

  You have got to be kidding me. I went, along with my lovely bride, to ihop tonight (I am intentionally keeping their acronym in lower case, as I feel that they are not worth the effort required to press “shift”).This type of grease pilgrimmage is not an uncommon occurence. It is, however, uncommon for our bill to be almost  thirty bucks. Now, understand that we are not such gluttons as you might imagine. When we go out at 11:00 pm, we do not normally gorge ourselves. Tonight was no exception. We were only moderately hungry, but still wanted to eat breakfast for dinner, so off we drove to the local ihop.

  After being in the restaurant for a mere 10 minutes, we received our food, prepared properly, piping hot, and served with a smile. I was amazed. My omelette (the Big Steak Omelette, cut the mushrooms) was delicious, but I wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was, so ended up eating only about half of that delightful concoction. So far, so good.

  Now, on to the only bad part of my ihop experience, namely, settling the tab. When I looked down at the bill, I saw the following number :

$24.74

Again, you have got to be kidding me. That number would not be too bad at some fancy upscale restaurant such as TGI Friday’s, but ihop? C’mon, seriously. When I subjected my ticket to further scrutiny, I learned the cause of the high price. The Big Steak Omelette. Nine fucking bucks. For that kind of price, the omelette better give a damn good blowjob. I’m not talking about one of your run of the mill, sterile, clinical, don’t smudge your Burt’s Bees lip balm blowjobs that I imagine Columbia girls give. I’m talking about a nasty, sloppy, stick your finger in my ass and cup my balls hummer.

 

Furthermore, said omelette had best be served by an entire harem’s worth of shapely horny blondes intent on making the dick-suckin’ omelette look like a Victorian-era nun.

  I guess with that kind of setup I’d be willing to pay nine bucks for an omelette. Otherwise, fuck ’em.

2 January, 2006 1:36 AM Posted by | Angry rant | Leave a comment

Robert Steinback puts it all into perspective

This is one of the best columns I’ve read in years; you guys HAVE to read this.

Fear destroys what bin Laden could not, by Miami Herald columnist Robert Steinback.

President Bush recently confirmed that he has authorized wiretaps against U.S. citizens on at least 30 occasions and said he’ll continue doing it. His justification? He, as president — or is that king? — has a right to disregard any law, constitutional tenet or congressional mandate to protect the American people.

Is that America’s highest goal — preventing another terrorist attack? Are there no principles of law and liberty more important than this? Who would have remembered Patrick Henry had he written, “What’s wrong with giving up a little liberty if it protects me from death?”

Bravo, Mr Steinbeck. We should send this guy an honorary DD214.

27 December, 2005 12:48 PM Posted by | Angry rant | 3 Comments

Seriously, the christian right is out of fuckin’ control

ok, so here’s the deal. jesus sucks. i’m sick of christianity and christians. this may have something to do with the fact that i grew up in a super-conservative household. it also may have something to do with the fact that i am friends with both of you guys… mostly it has to do with living with my mother again. i just finished reading fuckchristmas.org, and i agree. these people seriously need a dose of perspective. or perhaps valium. or, as dana just suggested, a nice vinegar enema. anyway, please send money, as we need to buy a new house and get the fuck outta here! release the bears.

16 December, 2005 1:04 AM Posted by | Angry rant, Release the Bears | 1 Comment