My DD214

Veterans should be a thing of the past.

Adventures in Sound Land, episode 1: In which Clay makes an ass of himself.

Here’s the deal. Yesterday around 4 I got a call from a guy wondering if I could run sound for him at a restaurant/bar in Weatherford.  I had mixed for him before at the bar where I used to work, and I was confident that I could do it again, no problem.  Feeling that I could use the extra money, I gratefully accepted, and we agreed on a very reasonable rate.   I showed up at 7, with the show scheduled to start around 9.  The opening act, a guy who, incidentally, asked me for more feedback in his monitors (meaning more vocals), went on as scheduled and his set went smoothly. The headliners came on stage shortly thereafter, and all went well.  At least until 12:15.

At that point, a guy I had never seen before (not even in the room all night) came up to me at the sound board, which was set up next to the right hand speaker stack, tapped me on the shoulder, and told me it sounded like shit.  The dialogue was as follows:

Asshole: “It sounds like shit.”

Me (rather indignant): “What sounds like shit?”

Asshole: “Everything.”

Me (with raised middle finger): “Fuck off.”

Asshole: “I own this place.”

Me: “Oops.”

Bear in mind that I have been doing this for a while. I can’t count the times that some drunk idiot has come up to me at the board and given me “advice” on how to do my job.  Irksome as such behavior is, I generally ignore it, smile politely, and go back to what I was doing.  In last night’s case, however, I guess I had had one too many beers on an empty stomach, and my first reaction was the one that came out.

In my defense, the above dialogue between me and Asshole/Owner was the complete extent of our conversation at first. He didn’t identify himself, he didn’t ask me to turn something down. He just walked up and stated that it sounded like shit.  Naturally, my professional pride took a hit.  Not nearly as much as it did 20 minutes later when yours truly, red-faced, had to explain the whole scenario to the band who had hired me.

I smoothed it over to some extent.  Took a 30% reduction in my pay, and apologized to the band and Asshole/Owner.  Probably won’t be mixing for that band anytime soon.  Definitely won’t be back to that restaurant.

Today’s expensive lesson:  Keep your stupid mouth shut, Clay.

18 July, 2009 11:03 AM Posted by | Just a thought.. | 4 Comments

A week of thanks. And fun.

This is the first in a series intended to go for a week. It will most likely wither and die before Thanksgving™ gets here, because I am a generally a bit of a bum. Anyway, here’s today’s “Thing I am thankful for”… Really it’s better if you watch this on weebls stuff, the loop effect really adds to it.

21 November, 2008 8:59 PM Posted by | Clay Recommends:, Hash is Awesome, I lack creativity and/or attention to detail, I love me, Just a thought.., LEGALIZE IT!!!, Movies, Plan for global domination | , | Leave a comment

VP Debate

As I sit here watching Countdown on the very night of the Vice-presidential debate, I cannot help but cringe. I am absolutely amazed that people actually think that Sarah Palin should be the Vice President. An office that has been held by such geniuses as John Adams and Thomas Jefferson is now being touted by the idiots running the Republican party as an office with no real qualifications at all. The woman has no idea what is happening outside of Alaska. I felt awkward and embarrassed when I watched clips of her interview  with Katie Couric.   Holy  Shit,  people,  she  can’t  name  a  Supreme  Court  case  besides  Roe  v. Wade.  When did we reach this level?  This cheap theater is what passes for the democratic process in America today, and I for one am ashamed of the silliness we indulge in as the world’s laziest, most ignorant superpower.

As an aside, I think that if (unlikely as it may seem) Ben Stiller ever runs out of embarrassing roles, he could surely pull a Mrs. Doubtfire and play Sarah Palin on the silver screen. Or straight to DVD, for that matter. Ben would never have to make another movie, because at that point he would have reached the absolute pinnacle of self-humiliation. Do your country a favor, Governor Palin, and withdraw gracefully from this huge political and legal world about which you know less than the average college freshman. If you have any love for your country at all, please go home.

Senator McCain, I have a few words for you, as well. You will not be the President, much as you may want it.  In 2000 I think you would have made a good president, possibly even a great one. I am sure that you would have fought the Iraq war much more responsibly than the Child Prince. I might even go so far as to say that you might not have even started a war with Iraq after 9/11.  Unfortunately, those in your party who sacrificed the good of the people for greed and political nepotism have salted the earth before you, and it cannot be undone. No, not even if you pander to the far-right wingnuts (a rapidly developing skill, I notice) and select a complete novice as your running mate. Surely you realize that the choice of Vice-President is, in your case (you are 72 years old) disturbingly relevant to the race. Is this the legacy you want to leave to the country for which you profess such love?  “President McCain, who died in office after (insert time period), left a complete amateur to run the nation”. Scary, John. Very frightening indeed.

Senator Obama, the jury is still out on you. I’m pretty sure you’re going to win. Best of luck, as you will be inheriting one huge bag of shit. I hope that you can deliver on this so-called change, and not just continue with the same old corporate-controlled puppet show we refer to as Washington.

Ralph Nader, I salute you, sir. Keep putting the word out. You convinced me.


2 October, 2008 8:50 PM Posted by | Angry rant, Clay Recommends:, Politics and other hazardous materials, Release the Bears, Religious Tomfoolery, Veterans' affairs | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Proud to be white?


I would like to make it clear, for the record, that I am not a racist. There has apparently been some confusion on this point lately, and I want to make sure that everyone knows the Score.

Before I begin my rant, let’s have some background info, shall we?  I grew up middle-class and white in small-town Texas. Racism and discrimination in general are not unheard of around here, and I’m sure that some of those backwards beliefs rubbed off on me – as a kid.  Any racist ideas that I might have had disappeared after serving my country (the citizens of which, I might add, are multi-hued) alongside Marines of every color.  My concept of racism now is simple, and it is this:

The color of your skin does not determine who you are.

There it is. That was easy. Now, bearing this in mind, let’s get to the real meat of the post. A few days ago I recieved the following email from a friend of mine who was apparently tired of being considered a reasonable person. I knew that some of his ideas on race were contrary to mine, but I’ve never brought it up before. However, the fact that I recieved this crap is a sign that he feels I am sympathetic to his views, and that is unacceptable. I have decided to post my reply here, for the simple reason that a private scolding is not always as effective as a public reprimand. When I am done writing, I will use the handy “reply to all” feature to send all the recipients of this junk a link to this post.  That way they can at least have access to both sides…

Here’s the email. Read carefully. Last chance to send the kids out of the room.

Proud To Be  White  

Someone finally  said it.
How  many are actually paying attention to  this?  

There are  African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian  Americans, Arab Americans, etc.  
And then there  are just Americans.  

You pass me on  the street and sneer in my direction.  
You Call me  “White boy,” “Cracker,” “Honkey,”
“Whitey,”  “Caveman” … And that’s OK.

But when I call  you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger,  
Camel Jockey,  Beaner, Gook, or Chink … You call me a  racist.   

You say that  whites commit a lot of violence against you,  
So why are the  ghettos the most dangerous places to live?  

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King
Day. You have  Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You  
Have Yom  Hashoah You have Ma’uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP.  
You have BET.  

If we had WET  (White Entertainment Television)  … We’d be  racists.  
If we had a  White Pride Day .. You would call  us racists.   
If we had White  History Month .. We’d be  racists.   
If we had any  organization for only whites to “advance”  OUR lives  ….
We’d be  racists.  

We have a  Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of  
Commerce, and  then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.  
Wonder who pays  for that?

If we had a  college fund that only gave white students scholarships  
… You know we’d be  racists.  There are over 60 openly proclaimed  
Black Colleges  in the   US , yet if there  were “White colleges” ..
THAT would be a  racist college.  

In the Million  Man March, you believed that you were marching  
For your race  and rights. If we marched for our race and rights,  
You would call  us racists.  

You are proud  to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you’re  
Not afraid to  announce it. But when we announce our white pride  …
You call us  racists.  

You rob us,  carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer  
Shoots a black  gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running  
From the law  and posing a threat to society  … You  call him a racist.   

I am proud.  
But, you call me  a racist.  

Why is it that  only whites can be racists?  

There  is nothing improper about this e-mail.  
Let’s  see which of you are proud enough to send it on

Well, well, well.

 There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t even know where to start. First of all, we are ALL just Americans. I think that the whole concept of taking pride in the color of your skin is absurd. You have no control over it. None. Part of the cause of our nation’s continued racism is due to people taking pride in silly shit like that. Can’t you be proud of who you are without bringing in the element of pigmentation?

Secondly, I noticed that there was a nice little anti-semitic crack in there. I thought this was about skin color? Funny how irrational hatred can cross those lines so quickly and smoothly.

The ghettos are dangerous because poverty tends to lead to an increase in crime. White kids grow up in ghettos, too. Trailer park, anyone?

I did some research on this little email, and found a much more hateful version of the same letter on the website of a prominent white nationalist party. I won’t link to them, but if you search a little, I’m sure you can find it. The propaganda posted there was much more ignorant, but it bothers me that watered-down propaganda is being circulated by people who claim to be my friends.

The point here is that it’s all racism, and none of it is helping! A recent scientific study showed conclusively that the genetic difference between races is smaller than the difference between people of the same race. So, Jesse Jackson is much more similar to David Duke than he would like to think. Likewise with my white friend and any brown person.

Grow up people. Be proud of your accomplishments, hell, be proud of your failures if you want, just stop being proud of your damned skin color.

12 August, 2007 6:44 PM Posted by | Angry rant, Politics and other hazardous materials, Pride and Prejudice, Release the Bears | 17 Comments

We call it riding the gravy train…

Well boys, it's official.  I am a disabled veteran. I just got my back pay check for $3,752. Nice. Of course, all of that money will be gone in a week, as we will be using it as the down payment on our new house. More details later, but you should be excited.  We'll actually have a place to have our party this summer. 

5 June, 2006 11:25 AM Posted by | I love me, Plan for global domination, Veterans' affairs | 2 Comments

The power of the interweb is matched only by its mystery

A few things:
1. I won’t offer any feeble excuses as to why I haven’t posted anything in the last few days. The truth is, I’m exceptionally lazy.
2. Just because I have not written doesn’t mean I haven’t been keeping up. The front page, however, isn’t the only interesting part of this blog, as you both know. I like to look at the stats. My question is this. What the deuce is so great about this post? It is the only post on this mofo that gets viewed at least once a day, ususally more. So, what the h-e-double-hockeysticks is going on? Any ideas?
3. I got a great idea for a song to cover. Take the Last Train to Clarksville by The Monkees, performed in the style of Mark Lanegan. All joking aside, though, I heard that song on the radio today, and I really think it might work…
4. Hash is a wonderful thing, but sometimes I wonder if it makes me incomprehensible.

16 May, 2006 10:46 PM Posted by | Clay Recommends:, Hash is Awesome, Just a thought.., Linkage | 1 Comment

Today’s Schedule

In half an hour, I will be leaving for the airport. When I get to the airport, I will most likely be violated on several different levels by the TSA. Then, having pulled my pants back up, I will get on an airplane. That airplane will be flying to Las Vegas. I will have 5 days in Sin City, and I plan to be as sinful as possible. I’ll talk to you guys on Friday. Let the debauchery begin.

7 May, 2006 1:24 PM Posted by | Just a thought.. | Leave a comment

Don’t break the Lechner Rule

So it turns out that National Lampoon’s Van Wilder was not, in fact, entirely fictional. I am very impressed with one Johnny Lechner. This cat has done, for the past twelve years, what Fernando dreams of doing for the next twelve. And this guy hasn’t even gotten his Master’s yet. Fernando, take note… Columbia will eventually figure out what you’re doing, too.

BONUS: The name of the paper is The Badger Herald.

25 April, 2006 11:50 PM Posted by | Just a thought.. | 1 Comment

I Miss Will

Where is Will? I realized today that the last time we heard from him on the blog was March 6th, in a taunting attack on Fernando’s bravery, honor, etc.

I just want everyone to know that Fernando is afriad to actually play against me in Civ 4….Seriously Fernando, if you don’t want to play against me and get spanked, that’s ok. We can still be friends, but just know that next time I’m not going to be as forgiving.

We all know that Will’s insults and and aggressive attacks on Fernando are merely a convenient cover-up of his love of all things Cuban (and a poor cover-up it has been). Putting aside for the moment Will’s overwhelming desire to swim naked with Fidel Castro in a pool full of jello, the question still remains- Where the hell is Will?

Has karma finally caught up with him? Has Al Gore punished him in some way for his jibes towards his fellow bloggers, or his sins against the Interweb? What if, in an incident resembling a shitty movie, ghosts came out of his computer and ate his soul or something? What if, even more horribly, his stubby little fingers were somehow cut off in a freak lumberjack masturbatory role-playing game?

Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Maybe Will just doesn’t love us anymore. Will, we still love you and we want you to come back. We’re still at the same place. Come by anytime.

24 April, 2006 1:49 PM Posted by | Just a thought.. | Leave a comment


Read the post below first. Follow its instructions. Then, come back here and clicky. Will the hilarity never end?

21 April, 2006 2:12 AM Posted by | Just a thought.. | 7 Comments