My DD214

Veterans should be a thing of the past.

DaVinci Code decyphered: It’s crap

As I have predicted (not that it was a particularly difficult prediction to make), The DaVinci Code is apparently a steaming pile of dung. The final big warning sign on this one was the lack of advanced screenings for critics, but now that the reviewers have had their chance the reviews are almost uniformly scathing.

If you know me at all, then you realize that this is good news. I revel in reading reviews of bad movies. And while there's a great selection over at Rotten Tomatoes, take my advice and read Devin Faraci's take over at CHUD. It is bar none the finest bad movie review I've ever read. Allow me to provide you with some highlights.

The Da Vinci Code is a terrible movie. It’s a movie that’s too stupid to appreciate it’s own stupid origins, and so it takes itself completely seriously. The stupider things get, the more seriously the movie takes itself, and the more seriously it takes itself, the funnier it is. The movie isn’t content with its own stupidity – it actively assumes that the audience is operating on a simian mental level (although considering how bad the writing in Brown’s original novel is, maybe the movie is overestimating the fanbase)...

Meanwhile, Jean Reno shows up as French law dictates that he must appear in any Hollywood movie shot in that country. Other great actors appear and shame themselves and their families for generations to come.

It's a shame that the movie sounds so tedious, because I would have enjoyed going to see a movie that was terrible in a Battlefield: Earth style. There's something so decadent about going to see an exceptionally bad film whose budget could have eradicated polio from Africa.

18 May, 2006 12:18 PM - Posted by | Movies


  1. I read the novel and I was somewhat disappointed by the ending. He is not a good writer in the classical sense but I believe it is the content that keeps the reader interested. I also read “Holy Blood and the Holy Grail” which the Code was loosely based off. The authors used a lot of assumption coming up with the theory, even though the idea is very interesting. I did read Dan Brown’s “Deception Point” and “Angels and Demons” and found that those novels were anctually better than the Code although the content was not as controversial and therefore could not bring down the basis of Christianity using Tom Hanks. Melissa and I will go watch the movie this Sunday and I will give you my objective opinion.

    Comment by Curt | 18 May, 2006 3:35 PM | Reply

  2. By the way, Battlefield Earth was one of my favorite movies ever! I loved the slow motion, it really made me get into the movie. It was as if they just pieced together scraps from the floor of the production room. Ingenius!

    Comment by Curt | 18 May, 2006 5:10 PM | Reply

  3. Hell yes, Monty. I look forward to the review.

    Comment by Fernando | 18 May, 2006 10:48 PM | Reply

  4. Well, we finally had a chance to watch the Divinci Code. Now I know why it received such harsh reviews, they sold out! During the sequences when they explained the story of the “Sangreal” or Holy Grail Tom Hanks character, Robert Langdon, kept mentioning that it was more likely a myth, and so on. This was very different than the book and in my eyes it was to please the right wing Christians so they wouldn’t boycott “Cast Away II: Diner from Hell” where Tom Hanks talks to a football this time and names him NIKE after being stranded after his UPS truck runs out of gas at a Diner in the middle of North Dakota. The point is, the movie was crap because Richie Cunningham and the producers sold out and deviated from the book quite a bit, which bothered us bookreaders, oh so very few there are.

    Comment by Curt | 25 May, 2006 6:51 AM | Reply

  5. Author of DaVinci Code Dies of Massive Brain Hemorrhage…

    Early on July 6th, controversial author Dan Brown suffered a massive brain hemorrhage brought on by repeated, astoundingly high levels of the virus Douchebaggus Narcissisticus Ignoramus, known colloquially as “Douchebag’s Syndrome.”

    Trackback by Lorem Ipsum | 7 June, 2006 3:51 AM | Reply

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