My DD214

Veterans should be a thing of the past.

Going to the movies

Well Clay, the dueling fictional reviews of Brokeback Mountain will have to be discarded. I’m off to the movies right now with my Mom to go see the aforementioned, thus contaminating any potential wholly fictional review with damning facts. My father refuses to see the film, which he has termed “Humpback Mountain”, and is going with us to the theatre so that he can zig when we zag and end up at a showing of Syriana. I’ll tell you guys all about it tomorrow.

As for the nine-US-dollar omelette, we should petition ihop to make the price 9 Bhutanian Ngultrums instead, which only works out to 20 cents after a little rounding.

2 January, 2006 8:20 PM Posted by | Just a thought.. | Leave a comment

Nine U.S. Dollars for a fucking omelette?!

Ok, Fernando, I know I promised a sight-unseen “review” of Brokeback Mountain, but that will have to wait for a few minutes, as I am currently raging against The International House of Pancakes (more commonly reffered to as IHOP). So, here we go.

  You have got to be kidding me. I went, along with my lovely bride, to ihop tonight (I am intentionally keeping their acronym in lower case, as I feel that they are not worth the effort required to press “shift”).This type of grease pilgrimmage is not an uncommon occurence. It is, however, uncommon for our bill to be almost  thirty bucks. Now, understand that we are not such gluttons as you might imagine. When we go out at 11:00 pm, we do not normally gorge ourselves. Tonight was no exception. We were only moderately hungry, but still wanted to eat breakfast for dinner, so off we drove to the local ihop.

  After being in the restaurant for a mere 10 minutes, we received our food, prepared properly, piping hot, and served with a smile. I was amazed. My omelette (the Big Steak Omelette, cut the mushrooms) was delicious, but I wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was, so ended up eating only about half of that delightful concoction. So far, so good.

  Now, on to the only bad part of my ihop experience, namely, settling the tab. When I looked down at the bill, I saw the following number :


Again, you have got to be kidding me. That number would not be too bad at some fancy upscale restaurant such as TGI Friday’s, but ihop? C’mon, seriously. When I subjected my ticket to further scrutiny, I learned the cause of the high price. The Big Steak Omelette. Nine fucking bucks. For that kind of price, the omelette better give a damn good blowjob. I’m not talking about one of your run of the mill, sterile, clinical, don’t smudge your Burt’s Bees lip balm blowjobs that I imagine Columbia girls give. I’m talking about a nasty, sloppy, stick your finger in my ass and cup my balls hummer.


Furthermore, said omelette had best be served by an entire harem’s worth of shapely horny blondes intent on making the dick-suckin’ omelette look like a Victorian-era nun.

  I guess with that kind of setup I’d be willing to pay nine bucks for an omelette. Otherwise, fuck ’em.

2 January, 2006 1:36 AM Posted by | Angry rant | Leave a comment