My DD214

Veterans should be a thing of the past.

The internet makes me sick

I would like to point out at this time that people who roam the vast wasteland of the internet are some sick fucks. I would also like to point out that somebody learned how to insert hyperlinks, and that somebody is not Fernando. I rule. Will, you should learn how to do this. It’s fun. That is all.


19 December, 2005 12:57 AM Posted by | Linkage | 2 Comments

White people are a genetic abberration

I don’t really know how to put this, so I’ll just say it. It seems that you were.. an accident.

(via Boing Boing)

Issue 6: Because integrity counts.

18 December, 2005 11:58 PM Posted by | Linkage, News | 2 Comments

King Kong review in a nutshell

I’m a bit busy with two things at the moment:

1) Getting over a life-threatening illness that left me bedridden yesterday (possibly the H51 strain of the flu avien), and

2) Packing up or giving away my worldly possessions in preparation for Tuesday morning’s permanent move Back East.

So the lengthly King Kong review will have to wait. But basically, it fucking rules. It won’t make a nickel in the US, simply because it requires an attention span to enjoy, and we all know that Americans don’t have those. I highly recommend it though.

Will, your elegantly written and formatted post brought me to tears. I plead not guilty on the charge of Tom Foolery. But Issue 6 remains. It has inspired me to end every post I make this week with an election campaign tagline for Issue 6.

Issue 6: Now, more than ever.

18 December, 2005 10:53 PM Posted by | Just a thought.. | Leave a comment

Article I; Section I; Motion A

I would like to be recognized by the board for the following:

  • – Member of the WordPress blog dd214 Fernando is to be brought up on formal charges of Tom Foolery in the 1st Degree.
  • – Member of the WordPress blog dd214 Fernando needs to let issue 6 go and concentrate on issue 2.
  • – I, Will Charlton, am to be recognized by those members of this blog that choose to be on this blog.

Thank you for your time*.


* – this symbol and it's usage is commonly reserve for footnotes or additional topical information.

18 December, 2005 5:02 AM Posted by | The Courtroom | 2 Comments

Ivy League be damned

i’m back. that’s right bitches, i’m back. “back from where,” you might ask, and you would be entitled to a reasonable answer. the answer is, in fact, this:

I had to go christmas shopping.  There is nothing in this world that I hate more than christmas shopping, and that includes Nazis, the alarming spread of dementia in our nation’s population of senior citizens, and the tendency of the majority of “servers”, or waitstaff in America to ask me if I “want change” after I give them money to pay the bill. Of course I want change, asshole. I earned that money, and I by god decide how to spend it. Don’t go assuming that you deserve a tip. If I feel that the service you provided was deserving of a tip, then I will tip you, and generously, I might add. But to assume that your shit doesn’t stink and that your sevice was almost to fellatio level, and therefore automatically deserving of my change (no matter that you haven’t even looked at the actual amount of cash I gave you, I could be paying with a hundred for my order of Cheese & Mayonaisse Zing-Flingers, you fuck. A ninety-three dollar tip? Are you kidding me?), is absolutely mentally challenged (formerly “retarded”).

    So, yeah, I hate christmas shopping. I hate all of the massed, steaming humanity bustling, rather, roaming- like their distant cousins the American bison- through the malls and shops, fighting over the newest “hot” toy, most likely a talking sheep turd or a teddy bear stuffed with Colin Farrell’s pubic hairs.

    I hate the fact that I have to wait in line for anything closer than 15 miles to the mall, and I hate the mall. We didn’t even go in there today, but I could feel it’s evil presence lurking like a pervert at the public swimming pool. What a day.

   The consolation is that I am really fucked up on good hash right now, so I’m doing alright.

    More later.




17 December, 2005 9:24 PM Posted by | I lack creativity and/or attention to detail | 2 Comments

A further demonstration of my superiority over Will

Will has pointed out that I can do something he can’t do: create hyperlinks.

I will now follow this up by demonstrating another task that Will is incapable of doing: opening a can.

I prepare to do the impossible.

I prepare for the can-opening procedure.

It begins.

The procedure begins.


Et voila. The can is open.

16 December, 2005 5:57 PM Posted by | pwnd | Leave a comment

Quit Being So gODDAMN Clever.

As you all can see, Fernando is the only one of us smart enough to figure out how to turn his phrases and quotes into handy-dandy, neato-mosquito hyperlinks.

Well Fuck You Fernando.

16 December, 2005 5:13 PM Posted by | Just a thought.. | 1 Comment

Quid pro quo

Let the record show that Will has pledged his undying allegience to me. As far as I’m concerned, this constitutes his forfeiture of my soul, which I’m sure you’ll both remember I pledged to him in exchange for a Tootsie Roll in Iraq.

Which only leaves us with Issue Six.

In other news, I’m going tonight to go check out Peter Jackson’s King Kong. Not only will I post a review tomorrow, but I will have a keen eye out for any allegedly racist undertones. If this movie makes anywhere near as much money as one of the Lord of the Rings films, then Peter Jackson alone will be more profitable than a handful of European nations.

16 December, 2005 2:46 PM Posted by | Just a thought.. | Leave a comment

Seriously, the christian right is out of fuckin’ control

ok, so here’s the deal. jesus sucks. i’m sick of christianity and christians. this may have something to do with the fact that i grew up in a super-conservative household. it also may have something to do with the fact that i am friends with both of you guys… mostly it has to do with living with my mother again. i just finished reading, and i agree. these people seriously need a dose of perspective. or perhaps valium. or, as dana just suggested, a nice vinegar enema. anyway, please send money, as we need to buy a new house and get the fuck outta here! release the bears.

16 December, 2005 1:04 AM Posted by | Angry rant, Release the Bears | 1 Comment

My undying allegiance.

After reading the FuckChristmas.Org site, I now realize that I must pledge my undying allegiance to you, Fernando, for knowing me so completely. I thought my mom knew me pretty well, but now I see that you know me best.

Today I was getting a coffee downtown (Minneapolis, MN not Minneapolis, Lebanon!) and the girl who took my order pointed to my lapel pin and said in question "What's that? The AntiChrist?".

Let the record show that the pin on my lapel is a picture of a black christian cross with a red circle surrounding it and a red line striking through it. Like the Ghostbuster's symbol but only with a cross, not a ghost…


I replied "Nope. No Crossing Zone".

15 December, 2005 10:40 PM Posted by | Linkage | 2 Comments